A creature with a broken heart

dyredream@gmail.com — Tue, 26 May 2009 05:06:06 GMT

I am working finally, but the job is taking up a TON of my time. I have to leave over an hour before my shift starts, I am there for 9 hours and it takes another hour to get home. I am gone for about 11 and 1/2 hours a day. It is really hurting my morale and bringing up lots of stuff about where I thought I would be by 25 and what I really want to be doing with my life.

Anyway-- I am trying to find a way to make some money through other means. My art mostly... to help with current bills and try to get me going.

I have some stuff on flickr and I am trying to get stuff on Etsy, but since I am low on funds and that costs money (not much mind you but I am that broke) Flickr is really the only means at the moment.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/pixiepiratex/

I can do custom pieces, I also do t-shirts, and sculpture. Though unfortunately I don't have any pictures up right at the moment.

Anyway if you want anything let me know, I'll work out designs for you if you want.

Also- if anyone has any suggestions on how to make money selling stuff other than Etsy I'd LOVE to hear them. I want to do something .. that matters to me in my life. Working in a call center doesn't matter to me.

Anyway- hope everyone is doing well.

To these people

dyredream@gmail.com — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 14:27:44 GMT

fauxpawroo

wolventerror

hawthornegem

siegeengine

ockhams_shotgun

nyushoku

_starlady_

I have added you as friends on my new LJ Pixie_Wyld I hope you want to add me back.

Birthday

dyredream@gmail.com — Sun, 29 Mar 2009 11:41:09 GMT

I am 25 today.

Happy Birthday to me.

Blah.

New LJ.

dyredream@gmail.com — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 11:39:21 GMT

The new LJ is

pixie_wyld add it if you like. If you add me, I'll add you and it'll be good to go. I plan to switch over to that exclusively as soon as everyone who wants to add adds me. I'll check back here from time to time. Just so I don't miss to much.

Switching

dyredream@gmail.com — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 07:09:35 GMT

I think it is time I start a new lj. Not just rename this one, but start a new one for the next phase of my life. Which I am trying to start today.

If you want to be friended on the new LJ. Please comment here, and I will add you to my flist. If you don't ask I might friend you because I want you there.

If you don't want to be added let me know. I'll make sure to not add you even if I'd like you there.

Thank you.

dyredream@gmail.com — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 10:58:53 GMT

So..

I am still scared and feeling lonely.

I am broke.... and because I have been broke so long. I don't get invited to things anymore. I can't really blame people for doing it. I mean... how can I be mad at them for... not bothering to ask me. Since 98% of the time I have to say no because I can't afford it.

It sucks ass..... just feel like the lame broke friend. That people keep around because they .. have had me around for so long.

BlAH

Funny conversation

dyredream@gmail.com — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 10:49:02 GMT

Jon: What color do you see me as?
Me: Ummmm.. I sort of see black and white. Because you can go from one extreme to another.
Jon: Hmmm
Me: And some gray hairs.
Jon: What?!
Me: Well I meant I see you as a white and black wolf... you know. With some gray.
Jon: I am a SkunkWolf.. all black with a white and gray stripe.
Me: .. With some angry management issues.
Jon: You trying growing up a SkunkWolf!
Jon: I mean... were do you send a SkunkWolf to school?
Me: Do you think it would be like... a wolf with a skunk tail... or a really really big skunk?
Jon: I'd think it'd be ugly.

dyredream@gmail.com — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 02:28:28 GMT

AHHHHHHHH AHHHHHH AHHHHHHH

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK EVERYTHING FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!

Hair.

dyredream@gmail.com — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 07:43:35 GMT

Got my hair cut.

Chopped it.

It's a sort of pixie style, kinda shaggy in the back but I like it.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/pixiepiratex/3351181658/

Check it out.

dyredream@gmail.com — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 09:22:36 GMT

Something needs to change..

No. I need to change something.

I have to stop waiting for something to change for me, and change it myself. No matter how scary.

Blah

dyredream@gmail.com — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 21:28:17 GMT

3 weeks from today I'll be 25. This is disturbing me a great deal.

I feel like I am nowhere near where I should be, and am getting more upset by that each day.

I made a promise to myself about my birthday. And I might have to keep it.

Meh.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

In case people care.

dyredream@gmail.com — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 20:20:19 GMT

Alright folks my birthday is in 24 days, I will be 25. I am not looking forward to this day in the least.

However I have gotten a few people asking me, what I want.

So here is the big thing I want:

http://www.ebags.com/the_sak/silverlake_flap/product_detail/index.cfm?modelid=112530 in Dark Amber. And while I do NOT expect anyone to just go out and buy this for me. If anyone feels like helping me get it. That would be cool.

Really just letting those people who asked know.

Facts.

dyredream@gmail.com — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 00:29:05 GMT

Kidnapped from resqdog51 resqdog51

I want to know 33 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, never liked each other, or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine... You're on my list, so I wanna know you better! :)

1. Can you cook?
2. What was your dream growing up?
3. What talent do you wish you had?
4. Favorite place?
5. Favorite vegetable?
6. What was the last book you read?
7. What zodiac sign are you ?
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
9. Worst Habit?
10. Do we know each other outside of lj?
11. What is your favorite sport?
12. Negative or Optimistic attitude?
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15. Tell me one weird fact about you:
16. Do you have any pets?
17. Do you know how to do the Macarena?
18. What time is it where you are now?
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21. Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22. What color eyes do you have?
23. Ever been arrested?
24. Bottle or Draft?
25. If you won 10,000 pounds/dollars today, what would you do with it?
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
27. What 's your favorite bar to hang at?
28. Do you believe in ghosts?
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30. Do you swear a lot?
31. Biggest pet peeve?
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

Trying it..

dyredream@gmail.com — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 18:17:53 GMT

A quiet love meme.

One little compliment can make you feel amazing. So give me a compliment, anything in the entire world, even that my shoelaces are pretty. Put this in your journal. And once you get some comments, put that entry in a memory or tag and when you are feeling down, just go to that entry and this will remind you how great you are.

Comments are screened so only I will know if nobody feels like catering to my demands for coddling.

Stolen from my mom.

LJ name change.

dyredream@gmail.com — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 19:21:06 GMT

I have been considering (as soon as I can afford too) changing my lj name to something more .. current.

I've had Rae_Lindorie since I started using lj, I picked it because my mom was hardcore into LotR at the time and I wanted something that sounded .. elf like because I was thinking about writing LotR fanfic. Never really happened(I wrote a few short things here and there nothing big.)

And I really feel I've grown out of it.

So...

I have been thinking about changing it to PixieWyld. Pixie has been my 'name' for a while on various online things. My company is called Pixie Pirates Bounty. I love the name Pixie, its my name on personal emails and badges at conventions.

Wyld, .. well. That is because of Curt Wild in Velvet goldmine. If I was a boy I would probably call myself Maxwell Demon.... It's SO cool. But.... not so much for me right now. Hehe.

So what do people think? Have any better suggestions? Questions?

My mom

dyredream@gmail.com — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 13:12:20 GMT

My mom is the Roxor!

Best mom ever.

^_^

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

dyredream@gmail.com — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 23:43:07 GMT

So.. life is pretty up and down at the moment. I am trying really hard to get my shit together...

On one hand... I would like people to buy my jewelry and my art. But I don't want people to worry too much.

I will be okay, I've managed to make it through some awful shit before. This is ... just more of the same. A lot of it I did to myself. So I have to live with the choices that I have made. Running home to my parents, wouldn't do any good, for anyone.

I'll figure it out... I will. I have to. I don't have a choice.

dyredream@gmail.com — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 16:53:10 GMT

I am trying to sleep, and every noise I hear. Is scaring me. I hate living like this.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

Prayers for Bobby

dyredream@gmail.com — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 11:13:03 GMT

I've never seen this before, it is a Lifetime movie that was based on the real story of Bobby Griffith, a gay man who killed himself in 1983 at the age of 20. It is a very powerful story, one that repeats itself over and over again among hundreds of families.

A religious woman who believes in the bible and the teachings of her church, tries to "cure" her son when he comes out as gay. She tells him to pray, and to try to change and when it doesn't work tells him he must not be praying hard enough.

After 4 years of this, he gives up and kills himself. For 2 years before his death he'd kept a diary of the pain he was going threw, the self hatred, confusion and fear. It is an increadibly sad story.

The most moving part for me, is that after his death his mother admitted the part that her own ignorance played in his pain and in his death. She doesn't try to deny that she made huge mistakes and should have listened to her son more.

It made me think that I am still amazed that people are so cruel to others. It's always confused me about people. I know it is because that I was raised in such a welcoming house. My parents never told me being anything was 'wrong'. My mom bought me books about wicca and paganism when I was showing an interest in it. They bought me my black jeans and black t-shirts and let me be who I was. When they found out when I was 13 I was sure I was bisexual they mentioned that they saw it and that was it. It was never considered wrong, or bad it wasn't even mentioned.

I tried at one point to talk them into letting my on-line girlfriend move in with us because she was going to get kicked out of her house when she turned 18. I never felt unwanted or unaccepted because of my sexuality. (I did for other reasons, but hell all teenagers hate their parents for a few years LoL) They didn't care who I loved, or how I lived as long as I was happy and healthy and doing okay.

It is a wonderful thing to know that is their greatest concern for me. And.. not was, but is. There are issues of course but I know that thy love me, and even if in 5 years I decide to change my entire life and do something completely different, they'll still be there.

The idea of hating your child because of who they love, disowning them because they are gay, or want to love more than one person, or because they were born physically a boy but are really a girl. It's is so strange to me. What does any of that matter? Why does it matter? Why should anyone care? People are people.

My ex, was born physically a male,while we were dating he admitted to himself that he, was a she. I wasn't bothered by it in the least, it didn't matter to me. Male or female she was the same person to me. We broke up for reasons completely unrelated to that fact. She is now happily in California as the person she should be.

Why is being who you are so hard for people? Even me,admittedly I am not truly a man inside or anything, but I have other things. I am worry that because I don't live the life that my friend Jess, or Cori lives that I am somehow a bad person. That... my life isn't as good as theirs. I just want to be me, really me. My morbid sense of humor, fascination with sexuality and sex and fetishes, my interest in art and anything strange. I read about death and watch shows about murders and drug addiction and .... all of that.

I am who I am, and I shouldn't try to hide it. Me liking those things isn't something that I can control. Just like people who are gay, or lesbian, transgendered, polyamorous ... or anything else. Isn't anything that they can control and they shouldn't be condemned for it.

Desires are taught, sexuality isn't taught. It is set, and the goal in life is to be happy with who you are and not to be afraid to be who you are.

Okay, this went of on a huge freaking tangent,but oh well. It is what was on my mind at the moment.

I want to be happy and I want my friends, family and everyone to be happy.

Be yourself, and don't be afraid.

Writer's Block: Jackpot

dyredream@gmail.com — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 10:35:40 GMT

If you won the lottery, what would you do with your newfound riches?

Submitted By kimbereli09

View 500 Answers

Pay off all my debt, buy a house, buy a new car and get a dog. I'd also give my parents, and friends some money.

After that a most of it would go into a nice savings, and investments.

I have actually thought a lot about this, even though it will never ever ever happen.

dyredream@gmail.com — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 01:27:53 GMT

Job interview tomorrow!! Yay!!!

Wish me luck.

Ugh...

dyredream@gmail.com — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 20:21:27 GMT

I feel like poo today.

Stupid freaking period, stupid freaking being a girl.

Rawr.

AUGH

dyredream@gmail.com — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 04:25:03 GMT

I am so close to giving up editing this damned fucking newsletter.

The new president is such a fucking ass. I can't stand it, he's taken it from something fun that I actually ENJOYED, and turned it into something I loath to do because I just sit around and wait for some damned email telling me about some mistake or something that he wants fucking changed.

I am SORRY but something I am doing for free to try to help out, does not come before my own life and what I have to do. So on occasion things slip through the cracks and mistakes are made. DEAL.

Christ I've spelled his name right dozens of time, so I fuck it up ONCE and he feels the need to make a big deal out of it.

Jesus Christ... it's not like I fucking did it on purpose or I have continued to do it constantly despite him telling me.

What the fucking hell!

EDIT- I decided to take the highroad. I apologized for my slightly snarky email response to him. Although I am irritated it wont matter that much in the long run I guess. I just don't like stupid emails about mistakes that really aren't that big of a deal.. also in the long run.

I mean even in best sellers, magazines and the New York Times there are bound to be mistakes every once in a while and considering I am doing this completely on my own. Sometimes things just slip through the cracks. I don't see the point in making me feel like a damned fool for it when it happens. I don't do things like that on purpose, I never would do that on purpose. I just didn't have the time to check it over... his tone was.. I don't know. Came off like " Wow you are such an idiot let me tell you how to do it RIGHT"

OH well.... just have to suck it up I guess.

Fuck.

dyredream@gmail.com — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 02:43:40 GMT

I have so much I should do, but I don't want to do any of it.

It's an impressive thing that I even get up in the morning honestly.

I have applied to I don't know how many jobs but ... none of them have called me yet. I am going out tomorrow to search around some more. I hope something happens.

I don't have much time left.

dyredream@gmail.com — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 04:32:16 GMT

I totally dyed my hair black yesterday.
Here you are.. check it out.

http://flickr.com/photos/pixiepiratex/3248959301/

A creature with a broken heart

To these people

Birthday

New LJ.

Switching

Funny conversation

AHHHHHHHH AHHHHHH AHHHHHHHFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK EVERYTHING FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!

Hair.

Blah

In case people care.

Facts.

Trying it..

LJ name change.

My mom

Prayers for Bobby

Writer's Block: Jackpot

Ugh...

AUGH

AHHHHHHHH AHHHHHH AHHHHHHH

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK EVERYTHING FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!